Am I Really?
by niki839037
Summary: Roxas's parents died in a car accident and Roxas attempts suicide. This is too much for his brother and Riku, his boyfriend, though. They decide it would be a good idea to move. Roxas asks his best friend Demyx, who he likes as more than a friend. :
1. Chapter 1

_My heart beating faster, my face warming, and the soft lips that were pressed against mine. It was a dream come true. I loved him, I really did, but, why was Riku trying to pull him back?_

Hi. I'm Roxas Strife. I went to school at...this place...before...Ah! It was a private school. It was called S.F.G.I. or School For Gifted Individuals. I hated it there...ouch...anyways, I now am going to be attending Twilight Town High. I'm not really excited...more frightened. I've never attended public school before...oh well. Anythings better then S.F.G.I. I guess. The reason I had to move is because my guardian recently died in a car accident and something happened which resulted in me being withdrawn from S.F.G.I. Me, My brother Sora, and Sora's boyfriend Riku decided to move here on a whim. But I really should explain where I was before, yes? Radiant Garden. The most beautiful place in the world...until recently. Now it's a disgusting wasteland. I'll talk about that later. Anyways, right now I'm in the car on the way to Twilight Town. I'm laying in the backseat trying very hard to sleep. It's like 2am. Sora's driving and I know if I don't fall asleep soon I'll probably puke.

"Sora, can you stop watching Riku sleep and actually pay attention to where we're going?" I asked begging. He laughed and turned around.

"Now Roxas, you know that Riku's drove most of the way here. While I'm driving I get to look at whatever I want." Sora finished slyly. I scowled.

"I'll drive." I stated smartly. Sora looked back at me after his small glance at the road. He smiled and stopped the car. There was no one else out driving at the moment so Sora just decided to stop it in the middle of the road. I opened my door and and he did the same as we switched sides. I was soon in the drivers seat and Sora in the back, now sleeping soundly. I turned to the steering wheel and started the car back up and began moving down the road again.

"Riku...I know you're awake now.." I sighed while I stated this known fact. It had been hours since me and Sora switched so I could drive. Right now, it's 7:30 am. Riku was an early riser so I knew his was awake when I heard slight movement from his supposedly asleep body.

"Mmmmhhh..." He moaned wanting to go back to sleep, obviously.

"Well...someone's in a grumpy mood today." I said just loud enough for only Riku to hear. He opened his eyes and glared at me. Note to self, if you're trying to glare at someone, make sure you're fully awake.

"And I was wondering if you could take over driving soon?" I asked hopefully. Riku smirked.

"Nope." Was all he said. I glared full out at him. He just chuckled lightly. Apparently Sora had been awake for awhile, listening on me and Riku's conversation. Jealous bastard.

"Roxas...I'm hungry..." Sora groaned. Ugh...another predicament. Why does he have to be hungry now?

"I'll only buy food if Riku drives for awhile." I stated, knowing Sora would beg Riku to drive if it were for food. I soon pulled to the side of the road. I knew Riku would finally get the point and switch with me. I haven't slept in days. Ugh. Screw Insomnia. Riku opened the front passenger door and began to walk around the car so that he could get in the drivers side. I opened my door gladly and walked to the passenger side and swiftly got in. It was going to be a rainy day...I just knew it.

Well, we're here. We've finally managed to arrive at the place we're supposed to be staying. Who knew that it would be a mansion? I sure didn't. Thank God Demyx thinks of us as family. I approached the door cautiously and knocked softly. The door soon swag open and I was glomped unexpectedly, which resulted of me falling backwards down the steps, Demyx still holding on to me. Oh, what fun that was.

"Ow...shit..." I groaned. I tried to stand but Demyx was still holding on to me so I gave up.

"Roxas, no cursing.." Riku stated. I smirked.

"You ,shouldn't be talking..." I started knowing exactly what to say. "Oh...Sora...shit that feels...sooo good...*moan*.." I teased. I had heard that so many times coming from their room when we lived in Radiant Garden. Riku blushed and looked down. Demyx started cracking up, still holding onto me for some unknown reason. I looked up at his head before beginning to speak.

"Uh...Demyx...would you mind...getting off me?" I asked calmly, already expecting he would do something like this. He always does. He looked up at me and smirked.

"I'm so happy you guys are here!" He screamed, obviously over excited.

"Um...yay? Well, anyways, Demyx, aren't we staying here with you and someone else?" I asked. He nodded really fast and happily.

"Yeah! My friend Axel! Mom and Dad consider him their son and so they got this place for us to live in together! We're like brothers!" He stated. Wow. This in going to be interesting...I stood up and shook Demyx off of me.

"Dem, are we going to meet this 'Axel'?" I asked slyly. I wanted to make sure this guy is appropriate enough to live in the same house as Sora. He may be my older brother but, he's mentally a five year old. Demyx smiled and dragged me into the house, Riku and Sora following. Demyx and me are friends. Riku and Sora aren't really aquatinted with him. Demyx knows everything about me, he's the only one who really does too. He pulled me into what seemed to be the living room and practically pushed me onto the couch.

"AXEL! COME DOWN HERE TO MEET OUR NEW ROOMMATES!" Demyx screamed. It echoed throughout the house. I soon heard feet tumbling down the stairs. I looked up towards the end of the staircase and saw what looked like an anorexic freak with red hair. He scared me. He walked in front of the couch and grinned sheepishly.

"Hi. Um...My name's Axel...Demyx's friend..." He said. I listened, barley at all. I was a little more interested with what Demyx would say about him.

"Well, as you know, this is Axel," He motioned towards the red head. "He's one of my friends. Um, can you guys introduce yourselves?" He asked, seeing my blank stare that always freaked him out. I nodded.

"I'm Roxas." I said quietly. I looked to the pair beside me, and hoped they would speak soon.

"I'm Sora! And this is Riku, my boyfriend!" He said happily. Ugh. He's almost exactly like Demyx. Now there's gonna be two overly hyper people in the house. Great. Axel chuckled.

"You're just like Dem, here. I can see we'll have some fun with two extremely hyper people in the house." I have to admit, it's creepy he thought the same thing I did and uses the same nickname for Demyx, I do. Well, that does happen sometimes I guess.

"Dem, where will we be sleeping?" I asked. He smiled.

"Come on, Rox. I'll show you to your room. Axel, will you entertain Riku and Sora for a few?" Demyx asked Axel. Axel nodded and I grabbed my bags, Demyx showing me up the staircase. We walked down the right hallway and to the 3rd room on the right. He began turning the knob.

"This will be your room. Axel's is across the hall, I'm right next door and the bathroom is in front of my room." He said while opening the door. It was sooo cool. The walls were painted with chalkboard paint, I could so have fun drawing on the walls. The ceiling was covered with what seemed to be glow in the dark stars and planets. I looked up, amazed by how precise their placing was. I looked towards the bed and instantly knew it was a queen mattress and beside the bed was a small wooden filing cabinet which also served as a bedside table. On the left wall was a desk with a laptop sitting on it. Demyx obviously planned ahead.

"Is this for me?" I asked walking over the the desk and examining the laptop.

"Yep! I've been looking forward to seeing you for a long time! I bought that like, 5 months ago!" Demyx replied happily.

"Thank...you.." I mumbled. I was happy. So happy. I just can't show it. I lost the ability to awhile ago, after the events that got me withdrawn from S.G.F.I. I sighed remembering exactly what I did and why. It was a traumatic event. That's what caused mom and dad to crash...it was my fault...I know it..


	2. Chapter 2

_I walked to school, like I did every morning. The only difference was Sora insisted on going with me this morning. I knew he was worried. Everyone worries. They think I'll kill myself sometime soon. Why? Because my life sucks. It's that simple. My brother, Cloud abandoned us, my mother's never home, and dad is always drunk and gambling. But I still loved him. We soon arrived at S.G.F.I. and entered the quiet building. I hated this place._

"_Oh look, if it isn't the little fag?" A familiar voice dragged out behind me. Damn it. Not today, just not today... I continued walking and pretended I didn't hear her. Sora was glancing nervously from her to me before nodding to me, telling me he was going to go and find his own pals. I was glad he left but at the same time, afraid of the little bitch behind me._

"_Oh, little fag~" She crowed. "What's the matter, looking for hot guys to suck on?" She asked me in a bitchy tone. I just quickened my pace and didn't look back. I was heading towards the locker room._

"_Aw, he's strutting. The little gay faggot-"_

"_Shut the fuck up." I interrupted her and stopped abruptly. She 'tsked'. _

"_Aw...did I hurt your feelings, fag?" She asked sarcastically. I glanced, without moving, to my left and saw a fire extinguisher box. _

"_What's the matter fag? Dick stuck down your throat?" That was it. I lifted my left elbow quickly and jolted it to the left, breaking the glass cover over the fire extinguisher. She gasped as I grabbed a piece of glass and turned to face her._

"_Why are you saying these things to me?" I asked giving her one last chance to save myself from doing something I might regret. Though since she didn't understand what I was doing she failed at that task._

"_Why? Because your existence sickens me and your a worthless piece of shit." She stated, smirking. I lifted the glass in my hand. She lost her chance._

"_Then, I'll give you what you want." I sliced the glass from my wrist all the way to my shoulder, deeply, on my right arm and then did the same to the left. She screamed and fell to the ground and backed away. The blood was pouring out of me fast. I could start to feel myself going blank._

"_HELP! HELP!" She screamed. _

_Sora being the curious person he was he came rushing towards the girl who sounded troubled. What he didn't expect to see his brother falling to the floor, his blood splattered everywhere._

"_ROXAS!" That was the last thing I heard before I blacked out. _

_I woke up in a overly bright white room, unable to move my arms. I cringed as I struggled to lift my right arm. It fell back to the bed._

"_Shit." I cursed under my breath. I didn't remember what happened and why I was here. I looked to left and saw Sora sitting in one of the couches. I looked down and saw my arms throughly wrapped all the way up to my neck. That's when it all started coming back to me. I had tried to kill myself. Sora soon woke and rushed to my side, crying._

"_R-Roxas! A-A-Are you o-okay?" He asked, sobbing quietly while holding my hand. I looked down at my lap._

"_I'm sorry." I said. I didn't care if I wasn't okay anymore. I really cared about Sora. He was, besides Riku, my only friend. I let some tears fall but I wouldn't say anything more. My own existence sickened even me now. How could I hurt my own brother like this?_

"_Why are you sorry, Roxas?" Sora asked, now calmer, looking madder every moment. I was shocked. Why was he mad?_

"_I didn't mean to..." I dragged on, I couldn't finish my sentence. Before I knew it, Sora slapped me. It shocked me, and since I wasn't expecting it, my head flew to the other side. My rose my hand to my left cheek and looked at Sora, surprised. He was glaring at me now._

"_Roxas. Don't you _**ever**_ do something like that again! Can't you see? I'm not mad at you! And don't apologize! It's that bitch, Larxene's fault!" Sora screamed, obviously fed up. I looked back down at my lap. I didn't wanna hear anymore. I just couldn't take it. Why was Sora not blaming me for what I did? It was my fault! Not Larxene's no matter how big a bitch she is! I let some more tears fall. _

_The door swung open, a nurse rushing to my bed. I looked up in curiosity. She was looking at us in pity. Nothing but pure pity. It scared me. I knew something was wrong._

"_Y-Your...I'm sorry!" She bowed to us in apology. "Your parents got in a car crash on the way here...they, they...they didn't make it." She said softly, still bowing. After hearing this, my heart tore. It was all over. It was my fault. It was all my fault mom and dad died. My eyes were wide with shock and, was I?...I was shaking. Not much but, I was still shaking. Sora noticed this and didn't know what to do to comfort me. It's gone. All I have left is Demyx. Sora must hate me. I understand why he does though. I hate me too...I killed our only other family members._


	3. Chapter 3

"Roxas?" Demyx shouted, waving my body back and forth in front of him. I finally snapped out of my daze.

"W-what?" I asked, still kind of out of it. He looked over me worriedly. I was curious as to what exactly he was looking for.

"Are you...okay?" He asked, raising his hand to my face, wiping something wet off it. I raised my own hand to my face to see what it was that was on my face. Was I...Was I crying? I haven't cried since...that day...Demyx knows nothing of that day...

"Demyx." I said questionably, wondering if he was still there. I knew he was though, I could feel his hands gripping my arms. It hurt but, he'll know in a minute.

"Yeah, Rox?" Demyx asked, obviously really worried because he's never seen me cry.

"Can we...talk?" I asked, gesturing towards the bed. He nodded, curiosity forming so obviously in his head. I sat down towards the edge, Demyx siting right beside me.

"I want to tell you the reason why we had to move in with you." I stated, preparing myself for reliving that after it only happening a month prior.

"But, Roxas...you told me why you moved here, already. Didn't you have to move because your parents thought you were old enough to live without them?" Demyx asked, clueless as to what he was going to find out next.

"No. I made that up." I stated and gave him a second before speaking again. "There's a real reason and I think I'm ready to tell you now." I finished my sentence and waited for him to understand and urge me to tell him before continuing. He nodded. I opened my mouth to begin the tragic tale. I just hoped he could handle the truth and not hate me...

Demyx was crying, bawling all out actually. I guess this affected him more than I thought it would...

"R-ROXAS! H-H-HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS SOONER? *SOB*" I just looked at my lap, expecting to be slapped as Sora slapped me. Soon, I heard no sobbing, but I didn't look up. And when I saw a hand being raised I winced, preparing for the pain. But,...the pain didn't come. Demyx was rubbing my back in circles. I looked up. He was smiling and looked happy. It didn't make sense. Why was he being so nice and wasn't he just crying?

"Demyx...you don't...hate me?" I asked in wonder, surprised he wasn't beating me right now. He gave me a skeptical look before speaking.

"Why would I hate you Roxas? You didn't do anything wrong. All that matters is that you're okay now." He gave me a reassuring smile and a nod. I couldn't stop it. The tears came and I couldn't stop them. After hiding my feelings ever since the 3rd grade I'd thought I'd became a professional at it. I guess not, at least...not around Demyx. He hugged me tight to his chest now, letting me cry all I wanted. I soon heard footsteps approaching the closed door, said door soon being swung open. Axel stood in the doorway, worry showing obviously on his face.

"Dem, what's wrong? Sora, Riku, and I heard you-" His sentence stopped when he noticed I was the one crying into Demyx. He instantly became more serious. I guess he considered me his friend or something now. "What's wrong?" Demyx shock his head, knowing I only shared this with him because I knew him well. Actually, we had know each other since we were in Kindergarden. Demyx used to live in Radiant Garden with his parents. Axel sat down beside the glob me and Demyx currently looked like and just sat there, patiently. I guess he was hoping his presence would calm me more. It did just that.

I soon calmed myself completely and was currently sitting beside Demyx, twiddling my thumbs. Axel was still in the room as well, (which was really starting to make me uncomfortable) and none of us were saying anything. I glanced at the clock. Seriously? It's only been half an hour! I stood and walked down the hallway, preparing my decent down the stairs when someone glomped me from behind. I looked up because they were resting their head on mine. It was...Axel's. This made me curious.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice screechy from crying. He just looked intently at me for a moment before speaking.

"Are you okay?" He asked in the nicest of voices. His eyes said he was worried, very worried. I looked down at the floor.

"I'm perfectly fine." I answer, untruthfully. I was totally not fine. He just looked disappointed. I think he knew I was lying so I looked back up to him and gave him one of my most perfect, fake smiles. He must have believed it because he just passed by me after that and continued down the staircase and to the living room. I followed, already planning on going that way anyways.

I sat on one of the empty chairs furthest from Sora and Riku. I lifted my knee's to my head and leaned onto them. I was in pain. Not from my emotions this time but, from my arms from Demyx hugging me and such. It hurt. I was actually shaking from the pain. The really bad thing is that my pain pills are in my bag, upstairs. Fabulous, now either I get up and go up there again, looking like a freak or I could stay down here and bare the pain. I could also ask Sora or Riku to get them but I don't wanna trouble them more than I already have. I stood on wobbly legs, and began to walk towards the stairs again.

"Roxas-" I heard Sora begin to protest but he stopped himself, knowing I wouldn't stop. I heard someone start to follow but I didn't turn around until I got halfway up the stairs.

"Listen, Sora. I don't need someone around me 24/7-" I stopped speaking after I turned around because it was Axel, not Sora or Riku.

"Roxas. What is wrong?" He asked me, thinking I might tell him this time. Well, he thought wrong. I turned back around and continued climbing the stairs. I wonder why Demyx is still up here. I thought to myself trying to forget the person following me.

I finally made it back to my room where all my stuff was. Demyx was unpacking my stuff. Why, is he unpacking my stuff?

"Demyx, what are you doing?" He looked up at me and grinned.

"Well, in your predicament I thought I could help you with unpacking!" He said happily. I couldn't help but grin. That's what Dem does to me I guess. He then turned back to my bags and continued his quest to empty all the bags. I balanced my weight back-and-forth from side to side, kind of worried to ruin Demyx's concentration.

"Umm...Demyx..." I started. He turned back to look at me quickly, obviously worried about me, considering what I told him earlier.

"What Roxas?" He asked like a sad puppy. I couldn't help but give in to the pout he shot at me.

"Um...can I have my pills? You should know where they are unless you haven't unpacked them-" He cut me off before I could finish, shoving my pills into my hand and smiling his one of a kind smile. I know Axel was still watching but, I didn't care. Axel didn't interest me in the least. I raised my hand to the side of Demyx's face and slowly but surly, connected our lips together. I have no idea why I had the sudden urge to kiss my best friend but, it felt so good. I soon felt him respond.

We didn't pull away until we absolutely needed to breathe. He looked into my eyes, smiling. And I did the same, knowing that after this, me and him would be closer than before. I knew this would change our relationship forever.


End file.
